I knew there was something wrong. She hasn’t smiled much over the last 4 days. Her seizures have been weird. She can’t tell me what’s going on because she doesn’t have the words. It is the worst part of raising a non-verbal child. The worst by far. But I knew something was wrong...because I know her. I have spent so many minutes with her that I have memorized every facial expression, every movement. When those expressions change, I know I need to start investigating.
I took her into see the doctor yesterday. She diagnosed Reese with an ear infection and a UTI. Oh man, I felt horrible. Mother of the Year, that's me.
My nurse friend told me that it was so wonderful that I knew to take her in even though she didn’t have words to tell me that something hurt. No fever, no crying. Just a different Reese from the one I know. I have never considered this to be anything special.
As she woke up this morning with a smile, after a night of letting the antibiotic do its work, I talked to God about how much it hurts to see her in pain. And to not be able to ask her where it hurts and actually get a response.
I remembered my friend’s words about how great it is that I know her so well.
And God reminded me that that is just like my relationship with Him.
The fullness of life flows from love and communion with God.
Wanting to know everything about Him.
Not because I have to but because I want to.
I know everything about Reese because I want to. Because I love her so much.
When I am in communion with Jesus in this same way, it is then that the light of life is mine. It is then that anything that is “off” in me is glaringly obvious to me. It is then that His goodness can flow out of me to bless other people. Because I know goodness and purity and truth. And I have the source of wisdom and life as my closest friend.
Love and Communion with God--that's what I desire, what I need. Reese's lesson for me today.