Tuesday, July 22, 2008
I just realized I have reached a milestone--one I had been waiting for--but I'm not even sure when I reached it. It may have been a few days ago, and maybe a week. But I realized it this morning. I had been looking forward to a day when I did not cry for Reese. I'd get close some days and then I read an email or talk to a doctor and I'd break down. But I think I have gone a few days without crying. That means I had cried every day for 9 months! No wonder I have more wrinkles and gray hairs.:)
I'm not sure of the significance of this milestone but I do know it is something I've been waiting for. I think it is partly because everything gets easier with time. At one point I never thought I would ever smile again! I said that out loud at one time.... Don't worry, I do smile and laugh quite a bit.:) I think the other part is that I have finally fully surrendered Reese to God. She belongs to Him and my responsibility is to love and care for her here on earth. I cannot make her better--no matter how much I research, change doctors, read, cry.... But I finally feel like I have let go of all of our children. I was holding on so tight. The thought of anything hurting them was unbearable. But I now feel a freedom in releasing them to God and trusting Him with their health, safety, futures. I can let out a big sigh relief...
Posted by Kerry D. at 11:39 AM