A Lesson from Peter!

We have had a few really great days! Reese has been having between 2-5 seizure episodes a day. We can live with that! She is much more alert and seems to be connecting with us visually. She even smiled at me this morning!! It was early--4:30 AM--but it energized me enough to pop out of bed and start the day. It is amazing to me how the little things I used to take for granted--in life before Reese--are now so precious.
We had an evaluation with the Foundation for Blind Children--I know, I hate the name too--before we left town. We know that Reese has some vision impairment, so she qualifies for services through the Foundation. It seems that her vision impairment is Cortical, which means that the problem comes from the brain, not from the eyes. So, sometimes she obviously looks at things, into my eyes, at toys, around the room, and other times she does not seem to be looking at anything. This indicates that her brain is not always conveying messages from her eyes. The good news is that she can see! I praise the Lord for her smiles, even if they are few and far between.:)
God is so amazing to me--how he personally addresses me through scripture, books, people. I mentioned that he had put the story of Peter walking on water in front of me 4 times over 2 weeks. First, I read it in "My Utmost for His Highest". The next day, the same story was the daily devotional in "Streams in the Desert". I cried because I couldn't believe I saw it 2 days in a row. A couple of days later, I listened to Charles Stanley online and he too was talking about Peter's story. Then, as I talked with my friend Karen on the phone about a difficult situation, I was just about to share what God had been teaching me about Peter. Would you believe it---she beat me to it and said that our Pastor had talked about Peter walking on the water in church that morning!!! What???? (We didn't make it to church because we were on our way out of town--but you know I'll get the tape!) Amazing to me... But here is what God had taught me: The message of this story is twofold. First, Jesus' disciples were caught in a storm and Jesus appeared to them on the water. He called to Peter to "COME". And Peter trusted Him enough to step out onto the water. But then...he looked around at the waves and the wind around him...he took his eyes off of Jesus and focused on his present circumstances. He looked away from the one he trusted and became overwhelmed by the danger, craziness, the unknown. That is when he began to sink. Jesus asked him, "why did you doubt?"
This is meaningful to me on so many levels. I want to focus on Jesus and not the storm raging around me. But even more specifically, I want to focus on the joys of Reese today and not look forward at the uncertainty of tomorrow. I want to enjoy Faith, Mia, Olivia, and Mario and not let the stress of the unknown ruin today.
I had joined a Yahoo Group for Aicardi Syndrome parents--everyone says, "You need a support group!" So finally I gave in and found one. I found a group of really wonderful moms who are supportive, amazing, informative. But what I also found was that, in receiving email messages to may inbox everyday as a part of the ongoing group conversation, I was focusing on the waves and the wind. I was finding myself depressed and scared about the future. I was focusing on what may or may not be true about Reese in 10 years. Jesus was saying, "Kerry, please look at me. Please don't doubt me. Please don't look to the left and the right and become overwhelmed by the storm. Live in the moment. Enjoy today, enjoy the smiles, delight in all of your girls."
So, I dropped out of the Yahoo group for now. There will be a time when I can return and not be overwhelmed. But for now, God has made it clear what I need to do--and I only needed to hear it 4 times!!!