trusting...

Ugh...I cannot believe I have gone another 10 days without journaling. Sometimes the business of getting through the day pushes out the things I enjoy doing. And this is one of them. I love putting down on paper (or cyberspace?) what is happening, what I am learning and feeling, and most importantly what God is doing.
So first, Reese. Her surgery is this week, Friday, September 4th at 12:30 PM. They will place a G-tube in her tummy, which is a little port where we can give her fluids if she does not meet her daily goal by mouth. The good news is, we get to take the tube out of her nose for good on Friday. Hooray! But this surgery does not come without a flood of emotions. I guess I did not expect it because I am ready for it--ready to get rid of the NG tube and ready to move forward. But on Sunday I was overcome with emotion, as this is the week. I don't like the words "feeding tube". It reminds me of very public debates over life and emotionally charged opinions. It reminds me that some people do not value the life of people like Reese. That hurts. And I know it hurts God too.:) It is also difficult because it is a place I did not want to end up. Although I know it is now necessary, it is a difficult step. It is hard because I really hate being in the hospital. I hate putting Reese through painful procedures and knowing that she does not understand why. So, this week is harder than expected.
Her seizures are still better than they have been, so I am so thankful for that. We have more ground to cover but for now I think we are headed in the right direction.
Yesterday I fed Reese by mouth and she loved it. We have been laying off the solids for a few weeks because of the vomit issues, but I decided to sneak in a meal and she looked at me like, "finally! that tastes great!" And she did great with controlling it and swallowing--very encouraging.
So my job is to exercise the discipline of ruthless trust in Jesus. I know He has this all together and I need to follow His lead.