But, I felt led to share with you what has been going on with Mario this last week, Reese's Dad.
When Kerry took Reese to her Doc last Thursday for a cough and fever, I never thought there was a possibility of never bringing her home and saying goodbye.
To make this long story short, Kerry and I literally thought in two instances this week that we were going to have to say goodbye to our Reese.
Have you ever been put in that situation? Have you ever said goodbye?
As I write this, I want to be truly sensitive to all those friends that have said goodbye to their child....I honor you, I thank God for you and your testimony.
As I sat on the chair with Kerry in my arms, looking at our sweet, beautiful young lady (she's not a baby anymore guys, she's gonna be 5 October 25) I wanted to leave the room and run....run as far as I could. I wanted to escape the reality of possibly saying goodbye to the huge smiles she gives me and the mornings of her singing to me.... The possibility of saying goodbye to the turning her head when she hears my voice, when I ask her to open her eyes in the bright light and she just opens them just a crack! Saying goodbye to the uncontrollable belly laughs, saying goodbye to the days when she cuddles with me and falls asleep in my arms. I couldn't bare to think it was that time to say goodbye.
I truly believe, I saw Death, face to face. It was dark, hopeless, helpless, scary, fearful, empty......
What was my refuge and strength?
Jesus, and Jesus ALONE!
I know some of you might be reading this, thinking to yourself, "Oh boy, one of those religious fanatics!" Well, guess what, if I'm a fanatic for saying I cannot do this life on my own, then YES, I'm a fanatic, if it means I need a Savior EVERYDAY, YES I'm a FANATIC, if it means leaning on my Savior when I'm possibly looking at the last minutes of my daughters life? YES, I'M A FANATIC! If it means, I CANNOT live in this HOPELESS and HELPLESS world without Jesus? YES, I'M A FANATIC! Get it? Got it? Good.....
In my heart, I knew it wasn't time to say goodbye....but it was so hard hearing Doctors come in the room and speak DEATH over Reese....my flesh SO BADLY wanted to SLAP, and I mean SLAP SILLY some of the Docs that would come in the room, make the comment, "This is probably the progression of her disease and I give her a 50/50 chance." Then LEAVE the room and not come back!
Ker and I went through WARFARE, that's the simplest way to put it....WARFARE!
We constantly, Praised God for Reese....thanking OUR AWESOME Creator for allowing us the BLESSING of being her parents....thanking Him for His BLESSINGS in hard times....saying LOUDLY.....I TRUST YOU FATHER! I TRUST YOU! Thanking Him for creating what the world says is bad luck (had a Doctor say that to us before Reese was born, wanted to SLAP him silly too!) and allowing us to have an amazing 4 years with her.
It's wild, the more I let my grip on Reese go, the more PEACE I had....a PEACE that all was going to be ok, even if we were going to say goodbye.
All would be fine saying goodbye to my beautiful, little girl.
Now, I PRAISE AND THANK YOU LORD, that she is pulling through....I THANK YOU JESUS for the OVERFLOW of Prayers, visits, texts, phone calls, facebook messages, twitter posts etc....TRULY THANKFUL for the support and LOVE!
This week gave me a whole, NEW perspective on life.
- A even BIGGER Passion of Eternity!
- SPEAKING LIFE to our girls and everyone we come in contact with.....
- Being INTENTIONAL with our words.....
- To NOT put my peace and hope in man....man will hurt and disappoint, we even got a taste of that too this week....it hurts, but, we move on....
- Giving God the GLORY, in good times, and in difficult times.
In a nutshell....I'm a changed man because of what we went through this week!
I have a renewed LOVE for my ladies in my life, renewed LOVE for OUR SAVIOR!
My family, thanks God that we get some more time with Reese, some more time with ALL of our kids....we thank God for the gift of every breath we take, it truly is a gift. Every shot of oxygen Reese received is a gift! Being able to Pray out loud with a Doctor around Reese's bed was a HUGE gift to our family.
I PRAISE YOU JESUS, my Savior, the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords....the same God that at this moment is being worshiped by millions of angels, I PRAISE YOU and Thank you for the miracle of Reese.
God is GOOD!
I'm a GRATEFUL Daddy! :)