Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Not to Us
Psalm 115:11—“Not to us LORD, not to us, but to Your name give glory because of Your faithful love, because of Your truth.”
She wakes up and waits. She makes noise and she waits. She turns her head to look for me, but she is unable to lift her head, unable to verbalize what she needs. “Mommmm”, she says, and I come running. She relies on her dad and me for everything.
She cannot tell you about her faith in God. She cannot write a book or sing a song about Him. But somehow she brings glory to God with her life, with her eyes, with her being.
Glory to God…it is my greatest desire for each of my children. Whatever they do in life, I pray that their lives bring glory to the One who made them and who loves them the most.
I received an email from a man we had met while vacationing in Colorado. He wrote the details of what he had told us at the end of our vacation, details that overwhelmed me with joy and also mystery. Because in Christ, there will always be mystery. How and why does He use the weak to shame the wise? How and why does He allow suffering and then use it to bring Him glory? I know that I will not fully understand all of His mysteries here on earth. But it certainly is wonderful to get a glimpse of His ways while we are here.
Here is the email he sent me:
“I wanted to share with you my experience of holding Reese, which was an honor and the single thing about the whole week that stands out the most and that I will not forget. Thank you for trusting me with her.
While I held her she never lost eye contact with me, until she went to
sleep. I occasionally whispered to her "you are ok", or "you are safe
here". I also stroked her head and arms. At one point when I said this her eyes filled with tears. I thought you are both right - this child knows what is going on around her.
I noticed her eyelids started to drop slightly and I started whispering,
"It's ok to go asleep", and her eyes slowly closed until she was sleeping and until she fell asleep, she never stopped looking at me.
I do not know all the reasons this landed so solidly in my heart. I told my girls about this experience. It makes me cry every time I let it into my mind. I talked about it in terms of gratitude for all that we have and all of our gifts. I thought about you both today when my day started to get challenging. I thought about your quiet dignity and devotion to this child that cannot speak but does understand. And it helped me move on in my day with gratitude and gratefulness for all the blessings in my life.
You both inspired me and for that I say, "thank you". I can only vaguely guess the day to day challenges of raising a child this special....
I once had a cat named Wiley. Wiley came into my life one day when he ran into the street and got hit by a car. I got him repaired and decided to keep him. He was a 20 pound, pure white beautiful cat. He was grouchy his whole life with me from the first day. I was really the only one that could handle him. After 17 years he got sick and had to be put to sleep. when he passed I told the vet, "Wiley really just wanted to be left alone". To that the vet said, "Wiley found the right owner".
This is to say that Reese found the right parents, loving and devoted, and my prayer is that she lives a long life and lives it as fully as possible. Reese and you both really touched my heart.”
After holding Reese that day, he sat in a chair and cried. A pastor and some other men who were also there with us talked to him and he gave his life to Jesus in prayer and in faith.
It’s been a year and a half since this day. It has taken me this long to put it to paper because I will always hold it in a sacred spot in my heart. Some things are too sacred to share right away, but I need to let them sit, with just God and me. We enjoyed it together for awhile, and I guess now it is time to share. Now I can document it as a day I really saw God glorified through my little, nonverbal, disabled, mysteriously wonderful child.
Posted by Kerry D. at 10:39 AM